Carrying around a tiny ocean


27 weeks 5 days

Recently a friend brought this quote, from one of my all time favorite books, Shantaram to my attention:

“But in a way you can say that after leaving the sea, after all those millions of years of living inside of the sea, we took the ocean with us. When a woman makes a baby, she gives it water, inside her body, to grow in. That water inside her body is almost exactly the same as the water of the sea. It is salty, by just the same amount. She makes a little ocean, in her body. And not only this. Our blood and our sweating, they are both salty, almost exactly like the water from the sea is salty. We carry oceans inside of us, in our blood and our sweat. And we are crying the oceans, in our tears.” – Gregory Roberts

      It is such a beautiful description of what us pregnant ladies are walking (or waddling!) around with everyday.  The larger my ocean gets, the more in love and in awe with it I become. During my baths, after my meditation and right before bed are our favorite times to connect with the babies. It’s at this time that we can feel limbs, butts, elbows and even knees swimming around in my “little ocean” that I have been cultivating and growing for them.
      And like the ocean soothes me with it’s crashing waves and lapping water against the shore, my belly seems to have the same affect on me. I find myself constantly resting my hand on it, rubbing it, and enjoying how relaxing it is to simply sway my hips from side to side. In many ways, my whole body feels like it has taken on the characteristics of the sea.
     Along with feeling this shift in my relationship to my physical self, I have also felt an amazing new connection with Jason open up in these last few weeks. While we are excited that we in our last days of traveling and teaching, this time together has given us the space to connect with and voice our fears, our anxieties, our ideas, and our excitement for the future to each other.  In the book entitled Mindful Birthing, the author, Nancy Bardacke takes partners through a series of questions where each person takes turns asking questions to one another and then before they discuss anything they first sit with their feelings, emotions and any physical sensations that come up.  We have only done it once, but already it has been very powerful for the both of us as it has given us permission and the space to talk about things that we may have otherwise been too scared to share with one another. It has been especially eye opening and a good reminder for me to hear Jason’s fears and thoughts about the future.  As just because he is such a worry free, strong and happy guy, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have valid fears of his own that need listening and addressing.
     This exercise also reminded me to listen more in my everyday conversations.  I am very guilty of “checking things off my list” and unfortunately, talking to people sometimes falls on to this list. So,  just as I am starting to slow down physically, I am also excited to take this as a chance to slow down and to REALLY listen more to those around me.
     Teaching with the belly has been awesome. Every Friday before our first session Jason tapes my belly and I leave it on for the weekend. It has been serving as a great reminder to use my deeper abdominal muscles and to not strain. It has been super fun to fly our “dual balance” transitions and Lux’s spiny washing machines as every week my center shifts and lately the babies have been moving while I am flying which makes it very interesting for us! I am not able to fly everything of course, but I have been grateful and amazed at what I still feel good doing. However, by the end of the day, I am ready for food and then bed.  Luckily Jason and Lux have been supportive of this and don’t make me stay out too late!
      One thing that I heard over and over again from mothers this past weekend in Basel was to “Enjoy this last trimester to the fullest – relish in the quiet time, read, write, visit, do what makes you happy.. as it is a beautiful time that you will never get again.”
       And this is one piece of advice I think I will take, infact I believe I am already on that path! As the bigger my ocean gets, the more content and easeful I feel.  I have no idea if I will still be saying that in a few weeks.. but one can only hope!
The babes: 
     Ever since I started startling Jason out of a deep sleep with me gasping and clutching my ribs, he has started asking the boys to stop kicking me before we go to bed.  And so far, they are listening! Other than getting up a few times a night, I have been having some very nice restful nights. They are still dancing around a lot, but I have become so used to it that I can sleep right through their wiggles.  Starting next week I will have to start going in every two weeks for a check up, but I am eager to see how they are doing and how much they have grown.
What I am loving: 
  • naps: I have never, ever been a napper but on this trip I have been taking mid afternoon naps during the week and they have been so nice.
  • All of my amazing gifts! In Basel I saw a bunch of our friends and mamas – they gave me some very sweet gifts including some very nice tea, some baby mama oil (which I love!), a beautiful ring, and the book I mentioned above.
  • Becoming more and more present: I feel this comes hand in hand with slowing down. Coming around to appreciate and love this bubble that we are in has been so easeful and comforting.
  • My daily yoga, meditation and belly exercises: Even though I am not able to do everything in my regular routine, it has been fun playing with different poses that do work. Also my belly exercises have been helping me with my posture and lower back which I am very grateful for.
What I am not loving: 
  •  The act of eating has become… Comical . I can no longer get right up to the table because my belly hits the table. So in order to get food into my mouth, it first has to make it over the belly, making me a very messy eater if I am not paying attention!
  •  Clothes: I am hoping to make it through this next the weekend with the clothes I brought to Europe, as I am already showing some belly with the tanks that I got right before I left. I am excited to get home where I can hang out in my underwear and let the belly breath most of the time!

For those of you who have been asking for our baby registry follow this link. And for you Mama’s out there.. especially the ones with twins. Please take a look and let me know if we are missing anything!


2 thoughts on “Carrying around a tiny ocean

  1. I am on your baby registry now … I think you need add some baby sleep sacks for night time. I love reading your blog, your such a great writer love you mom


  2. Beautifully written, Chelsey!! Enjoy your time to yourself and preparing for the babies to come. one thing i didn’t see on your registry was onesie’s/jumpsuits. I used these a lot especially the first few months.


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