33 weeks 3 days
Wow, time feels like it has been sprinting forward. Between our amazing baby shower, a family and friend filled Thanksgiving, teaching acrobatics and days full of skiing, fires and friends, the days have been flying by. It wasn’t until my Dr. asked if I had packed my bag and asked if I filled out paperwork about injections, vaccines and everything else that I was like.. oh yeah. Do I really only a have a few weeks left??!! A few months ago, I remember thinking that by the time 33 and 34 weeks rolled around I would be ready to be done with this whole pregnancy thing. I had visions of myself on the couch asking for more water and snacks, and going insane from not being able to move. I thought for sure that I would be ready to have “my body back”, ready to meet these boys, and ready to get on to the next phase of being a mother. But now that it is here, I am not quite there yet. I need more time.
More days to meditate, to breath, to appreciate this belly that has been home to these two beautiful beings for the last 8 months, to feel them wiggle around in my belly, and to prepare for their arrival.
The closer it gets, the more it feels like I am preparing for an adventure race. In adventure racing, often times you don’t know what you are in for until the night before the race and sometimes even the morning of the race. Some things are known, like what disciplines you will be doing and what gear to pack. But as far as where you will be going, how long certain legs will take and when or where you will sleep are all unknowns. Many times there are even surprise challenges in the middle the race. When we are mentoring people or trying to explain it, we often say that it is 95% mental and 5% physical. It is all about how you deal with suffering and exhaustion. Do you dig deep and find a way in? Or are you searching for the first exit the moment it gets hard?
Of what I have been learning about in our birthing class and reading about in my Mindful birthing book, much of this whole birthing thing sounds like an adventure race. Packing and prepping are often my least favorite parts, and that is coming to be true for this process as well. Anticipating what we will need, packing my bag and prepping for their first week home has been stressful. I have actually been banned from reading anything on line, as there are sooooo many lists about what you absolutely must have. But how do you really know when every pregnancy and birth is completely different?? Luckily I have a husband who talks me down from my cliffs of anxiety and reminds me what I do for a living.. “we deal with the unknowns all the time” “part of the fun is not knowing and figuring it out, you for one LOVE that part”
Then I think back to our many races, and he’s right. Once that gun goes off and the race starts, I get into my zone. My breath evens out, my body gets into it’s rhythm and I am in my happy place. There is only one goal, and that is to get to the next checkpoint, the rest melts away because there is nothing else we can do. Our bins are packed, what we need is on us, and the rest is pointless to worry about.
I thrive on that shit.
So yes. I am going into unknown territory, I have no idea how I will respond to what will come. But I do know some things – I have an amazing teammate who will be there by my side the entire time, I have a whole community who supports me and once it all begins, there is only one goal – to bring two beautiful boys into our loving arms. Everything else – how much soup is in the freezer, how much cut wood there is, and what happens afterwards will all fall away.
We are no strangers to dealing with life one check point at a time. So when the 100th person asks us if we are prepared for what is to come, we will just smile and nod. “as ready as we can be!”
GOOD NEWS! The presenting twin has flipped! He is now head down and enjoys hiccuping and pushing his head on my cervix. The trailing twin looks like he is on his way to becoming head down. They are quite the little movers and shakers! We have many names for them but have decided not to pick them out until we hang out with them on the outside for a while. They respond to light, their dads voice, touching and music. So far we think they like Frank Sinatra and Waylon Jennings the best.
What I am LOVING:
I am loving the fact that I can still move easefully! Cross Country skiing, skinning and snowboarding have all been feeling great.
Yogurt- The full fat icelandic is my favorite
Soups- We’ve been making alot of broth to prepare for the many soups we will be making and I have been loving our experiments with what I like best.
Feeling them move always puts a smile on my face
Cuddling- I have become the cuddling machine.
What I am not loving:
When people say things like: “You are in for it”, “say goodbye to your sleep”, or “life as you know it is over…”.
It makes me feel like smiling as I respond – “I know, I can’t believe that my amazing life is about to get EVEN BETTER?!?”