Holy shit!!! I can’t believe that any day now there will be two new humans in our lives, taking up residence in our home, and in our hearts.. forever. Up until now it has not really hit me how insane this is. One day it is just the two of us, and the next, there are suddenly four of us. Coexisting together, adapting and figuring out how to be a family. I have been trying to wrap my head around this idea and all the changes it is going to bring us for the past week, but trying to predict the future is both overwhelming and useless. So, I usually just end up going outside, taking a nap or sometimes both.
These past few weeks have been the sweetest, weirdest and sometimes hardest parts of my pregnancy experience thus far. In many ways I have never felt closer and more connected to Jason than I do now. We have been having some amazing talks and cuddle sessions that leave me feeling so grateful and even more inlove with him than ever. At the same time, it has been hard to have to slow down even more. The Friday before Christmas I got a call from my Dr. saying that the boys had actually dropped a little weight and may not be getting enough blood and suggested I chill out for a few days. “But I have been chilling out” I said in a confused tone. She laughed out loud and said “act like you are growing two humans inside you. ” “ok…” Since then I have still been getting out skiing, walking and doing yoga, but I am making sure I can hold a conversation the whole time and do not break a sweat. I have also been trying to up my calorie intake, which is proving to be very challenging! I feel like it’s a full time job. Jason has been amazing in making sure that there is always soup or something simple to heat up, which is very helpful.
Last week the girls threw a beautiful baby blessing for me. We brought in all four of the directions, burned sage and palo santo, called in the women before us who birthed us and the women who birthed them, and then they each gave me a bead and something from nature that inspired them and or brought them ease. It was such a powerful and intimate gathering that left me feeling grateful, loved, rooted and almost ready for the journey ahead. I now have a beautiful string of beads and a little alter that will bring me strength and remind me to relax when the time comes. I hope that all pregnant women get to have something like this, as it is so special and powerful for the new mama to be.
So now, I guess I just continue being a ticking time bomb. Everyone has cast their bets of when these boys will arrive. And our phone is constantly going off with “how are you feeling” texts. We have had some signs of pre labor lately, with the most recent ones being for a big part of last night. I think they are coming in a day or so, others think they are coming on New Years. No matter what, we know they are coming out on their birthday. Until then, I will continue trying to enjoy this calm before the storm!
ART and BLT while apparently are not growing like the doctors want, are exactly the same size and are very active which is very good! They also have enough fluid around them and both of my placentas are looking healthy and BIG. They are each at 5 pounds or just under (it is hard to get an accurate weight).
What I am loving:
Bed! It is the first time in our relationship that I am the last one in bed and begging Jason for MORE cuddle time.
Soups: nourishing soups have been amazing and all that I crave
Smoothies: these have been an easy way for me to get my calories in and my protein with out so much chewing.
Getting outside: I have been loving xc skiing – I can take it easy while still being outside.
Feeling them move – even though it is getting more and more intense, there movements are so reassuring.
FIRE! Jason and his parents got me some biomass wood for Christmas, and it is amazing. It’s easy to start a fire with and burns for ever. The babes and I are going to be warm, cozy and naked for the first month:)
What I am not loving:
I am ready to say goodbye to this belly. It’s been a fun and interesting experience, but it’s time to let it go.
The unknown – I have no idea how to tell the difference between pre labor and gas.. I am ready to be like “Oh, ok- THIS IS IT”
Having to get up every hour to two hours and pee. This is getting VERY old, but I guess it is getting me ready for every two hour feedings.