Over the past few months I have had a question come my way several times that I have wanted to address, but I never knew how to answer.  I was confused, since the question itself seemed to assume a reality that I was mostly at odds with.

The question being: “How is it possible that you are not not even slowing down and still charging it!?”  While it may seem like that from the outside (ahh don’t you just love social media??) in MY reality, I have been letting go of something on a weekly basis.  I have not felt like I’ve been “charging it” for a very very long time.

And it has been difficult.  Passing up on winter missions.  Doing my increasingly limited air squats in the gym while watching Jason drip sweat during his third paddle interval on the ergometer.  Sometimes it feels like torture.

But it is what it is.

Five months ago, I was certain I was never going to need to stop running or biking. But eventually they were both out of the question. It just didn’t feel good, and I couldn’t convince myself to overcome that supremely uncomfortable sensation inside anymore. Instead of stopping completely, I just switched to hiking and swimming.  Once winter hit I was able to skin up the local little backcountry hill and snowboard down. But that stopped too when falling became “not allowed”.  Now it is XC skiing which has been feeling amazing.  Acrobatics and inversions stayed around for a lot longer (thankfully long enough for the European teaching tour!) but they too became to uncomfortable and cumbersome. So now it is gentle yoga and light weights.

Even my sleeping routine changed. I used to thrive on my early mornings to myself. I’d rarely miss starting the day with meditation. Now, that has been replaced with sleeping in and cuddling until at least 9 am every day.  I NEVER thought I’d regularly sleep past 7:30!

Do I miss all of the things I have had to “let go of?” Of course! But I know that this is all part of the process and that everything is always changing.  

However, what I haven’t let go of is my drive. It is in my DNA to move my body. It is what makes me tick and my heart purr. Luckily I figured that out at a very young age and have always made that a big part of my daily life. Being outside, breaking a sweat, breathing hard and just being in the routine of working out has always made me content deep down.

Do I have physical goals for after I have these babies? YES. I believe working towards goals is crucial no matter if you “succeed” or “fail” because no matter what, you learn something in your journey.  Both Jason and I have made it known to each other and ourselves what is important to the core of us, and we will work hard to make these a priority as we navigate this new world that is unraveling before us.  This is the juicy part that we are most excited about!! It is like one big life long adventure race full of unknowns and lessons in adaptation and patience.

So, to circle back and finish answering the question “How are you still crushing it? ” –  I am not….  I am just listening to my body and doing things that feel good.  These days what feels the best is savoring this quiet time with my husband and this body that I have grown to love.