This past Tuesday I went in for a partial hysterectomy, a hernia repair and an IUD removal. My IUD had some how gone through the backside of my uterus and was hanging out near my bowels. Apparently IUD’s and I don’t match (I got pregnant on one 10 years ago and had a miscarriage at 4 months). On Wednesday I have to go back in and do another surgery to remove a cyst on my canal of nuck (sounds like a stand up comedy skit doesn’t it??) and repair a hernia that is near the cyst. Fun times.
It’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a month. One filled with tears, full belly laughs, sorrow, joy, deep inhales and long exhales. For some reason the four year mark anniversary of Spirit B’s passing really hit hard. Perhaps it’s because Max is asking a lot of questions and talks about him everyday, but even though it is hard, it is also so beautiful and timely. Just this morning he told me “Spirit brought this beautiful snow Mama, he’s always bringing us gifts Mama, did you know that?” It’s moments like these that fill me up instantly both in the eyes with tears and in the heart with love and gratitude!
And now, saying an official good bye to having more babies feels surprisingly heavy but at the same time it feels like the right decision for our family. I always dreamed of two physical boys, and now there is no question in my heart that we are complete. Revel Wilder is such an amazing little soul filled with so much spunk and cuddles – we all LOVE watching him grow everyday.
Emotionally I am giving myself as much time, space and acceptance that I can with it all. We took Spirit Day (Jan 16th, the day we could not hear his heart beat) and the day after to ski the boys back into our wilderness cabin where we spread some of Spirit’s ashes in the middle of our frozen lake. Everyone, even Revel got to blow his ashes around which was so healing and amazing to watch and be present for. That night, I felt a huge release in my heart and through out my body. On Max’s birthday, Jan 18th, we had a classic 4 year old birthday party for him with his friends (who are in our pod). He asked for pizza, an apple pie, and a dance party. I am happy to report we delivered and it all went off super well.
As for the physical and mental side of all of this, I am hanging in there. Being limited physically has always been very hard for me but I am hoping after two full term pregnancies and two c sections, my body will remember how to heal and gain traction wisely and slowly.
Before having the surgery I worked hard at getting to the healthiest and strongest state that I could. And now, 4 days after the surgery I am walking, doing gentle yoga, meditating, drinking all the water, bone broth and tea in sight, eating well, playing with the kids (with out lifting them of course) and catching up on some non stressful activities like writing, drawing, podcasts, books and music.
When the Dr. called up Jason to say that I was ready to be picked up she said “I don’t think I need to tell you this, but don’t let her just sit on the couch all day… but do not let her walk a marathon either.”
The balance between not doing anything and doing too much too soon is a hard balance to get right. For me, I have tried to translate my training planning to a recovery plan. But unlike my training plan, where I often put too much on my plate (something I am working on), I have kept it simple and achievable. I have small goals I hit everyday for the first week: Drink 8 glasses of water, walk up 2-4 miles a day, go to bed before 1030 pm, read every night, write every other day, meditate every day and DO NOT STRESS. At the end of my one week period I will access where I am at and either add or subtract.
Tell me, what are your active recovery activities you love to do after a surgery or injury???