It’s no secret. I am a very driven person who has a hard time hearing no. Once I get going on something, it is hard to deter from my path. Many good things come out of this personality trait. I am extremely loyal, if I say that I will be there, I will be there and I always follow through with my goals. And like all things, there is the flip side of it. I am stubborn, and while I think of myself as an adaptable person, it has been a big work in progress. Luckily becoming a mother, learning how to parent and going on adventures with the kids has helped soften my edges and has made me way more easy going.
However when it comes to timelines and goals that only pertain to me, I could still use a lot more work. On Wednesday I had my second abdominal surgery in 10 days. My insurance would not cover the hernia repair the week before, when I had to have the other surgery so I had to call and call and call again until I got it approved. So 10 days after getting one hernia repaired and a misplaced IUD surgically removed I was back under the knife to have a cyst removed and inguinal hernia fixed. My stubbornness really shined through when I was fighting the insurance company to get the whole thing covered so that is a plus. But now, 4 days post surgery, it is proving to be not the best trait for healing. Yesterday I hit an all time low. I was extremely sore, I could not walk for as long as I wanted or where I wanted, Revel was following me around with his pajamas (he loves them so much and always wants to have them on or close) saying “Mommy UP! Mommy UP”, Max wanted to be outside for much longer than I could tolerate (which is very new to me) and I could not get any work done because my head was so foggy.
The cool thing in all of this besides my amazing husband, family and friends who have been helping out a huge amount is that I was able to take a step back and look at myself from afar. I could see that I was having a really bad day, that I was getting depressed, that I didn’t want to see anyone and that all of it was ok. Deep down I knew that it was not going to last forever and to just let myself be in the muck. Again, I thought of Spirit B and all that he taught me and still teaches me. How I was at my lowest of lows and he kept on saying “Let it out Mama”. Letting it out and being in it is not failing, it is living. Through adventure racing and parenting two amazing children I have learned that everything passes and everything changes. So here I am a day later living, feeling, waiting and observing another life lesson.