Last weekend I lined up on the start line of the Telluride 100 Mountain bike race. Despite having a rather intense week where Max, myself and Jason all got very sick, I felt oddly calm, ready and focused. At 5AM I boarded a gondola down to the start of the race. It was intimidating to glide … Continue reading Keeping Spirit during the Telluride 100
Stumbling, crawling and slipping along this path of mine
Wow, many things have happened since I last wrote. Break throughs, break downs, joyful days, and days where I felt like I was slogging through the deepest mud imaginable. I have lived life times in these last 4 and half months since my boys were delivered to our open and loving arms. My fiery, … Continue reading Stumbling, crawling and slipping along this path of mine
Acceptance
I have been trying to write this entry for weeks now. But every time I sit down to write, something comes up. Max gets hungry or needs my attention, or something "more important" comes up. The number one thing that I have learned through all of this is that acceptance is key. "It's OK" has … Continue reading Acceptance
The Hawk and Spirit B
10 weeks ago, Jan 14th, the day after we decided not to get induced (you can read the specifics here) , I held a dying hawk to my belly, he was not expected to live another 24 hours. I remember holding him close and feeling his amazing energy and sheer will, it was so palpable … Continue reading The Hawk and Spirit B
Head down
Time is a funny thing right now. Never have I felt like time is both standing still and speeding by like a freight train at the same time. I have been wanting to sit down and write for some time now, but every time I do my words get stuck inside. So here I … Continue reading Head down
Breadcrumb of light
Warning: What follows is not shiny and happy. It is where I am at. It is real. It is raw. Proceed at your own risk. Thoughts, unseen triggers and visions of two come in unexpectedly and fully flood my heart. It paralyzes me and kicks me to the ground leaving me gasping for air. I … Continue reading Breadcrumb of light
“Where do I go now?” I asked. “Through babe, hold on tight and lets go through”
Two weeks ago I did not think that I would have the strength or the ability to ever write, look at a computer screen or do anything other than feed Magnus and make myself eat and drink water. I kept trying to write, as that has always brought me a bit of release in the … Continue reading “Where do I go now?” I asked. “Through babe, hold on tight and lets go through”
A Story of Beginnings
Jason here: I have sort of hijacked this blog for the moment, as Chelsey is quite busy celebrating and grieving. And even as I sit to write, thoughts spiral into so many places - painful, dark and hidden places that I never imagined exploring; but also into possibilities of the future. Too much to make … Continue reading A Story of Beginnings
Paradox
Fear and love seldom stand, shoulder to shoulder; It’s rare to laugh and lie in the same breath. But strength and weakness, failure and success, faith and desolation – they are different ends of a single stick. To pick one up is to receive both poles – stark contrasts contribute to a knowledge of the … Continue reading Paradox
Finding my power through fear
Jason (the Husband): The last week has been rough. Emotional. Raw. And pretty scary. We were asked to make some difficult decisions, made them, and then circumstances conspired to force us to weigh the same choices a second time. The people in this story all have a similar goal - to have Chelsey deliver two … Continue reading Finding my power through fear
