My relationship with Spirit B and death has changed so much in this last year. A year ago, when my therapist told me that someday I may be grateful for what happened to our family, I thought she was insane and honestly a big part of me wanted to slap her across the face. However, on … Continue reading A years time
After nearly a year of dealing with constant debilitating insecurity and self-loathing about my post-partum body, a beautiful thing happened: I stopped caring so much. How exactly? After a series of events these past few weeks, I think I finally have the recipe that helped me, which I hope can help others who may be … Continue reading Tools for Your Troubles
On the eve of Max and Spirit B turning 9 months, I have a well of mixed emotions churning through my body and soul. Part of me feels so good and grounded in my new role as a mother and the other half feels like a teenage girl all over again, going through puberty … Continue reading Skin deep
There is so much about being a new breast feeding mother that is not talked about. Add on being an athlete AND breastfeeding then it really gets grim. When I first started to research, the information and pictures out there made it look beautiful and easy, or like it was the most impossible thing on … Continue reading You can almost spell TEAM in Breastfeeding
Last weekend I lined up on the start line of the Telluride 100 Mountain bike race. Despite having a rather intense week where Max, myself and Jason all got very sick, I felt oddly calm, ready and focused. At 5AM I boarded a gondola down to the start of the race. It was intimidating to glide … Continue reading Keeping Spirit during the Telluride 100
Wow, many things have happened since I last wrote. Break throughs, break downs, joyful days, and days where I felt like I was slogging through the deepest mud imaginable. I have lived life times in these last 4 and half months since my boys were delivered to our open and loving arms. My fiery, … Continue reading Stumbling, crawling and slipping along this path of mine
I have been trying to write this entry for weeks now. But every time I sit down to write, something comes up. Max gets hungry or needs my attention, or something "more important" comes up. The number one thing that I have learned through all of this is that acceptance is key. "It's OK" has … Continue reading Acceptance
10 weeks ago, Jan 14th, the day after we decided not to get induced (you can read the specifics here) , I held a dying hawk to my belly, he was not expected to live another 24 hours. I remember holding him close and feeling his amazing energy and sheer will, it was so palpable … Continue reading The Hawk and Spirit B
Time is a funny thing right now. Never have I felt like time is both standing still and speeding by like a freight train at the same time. I have been wanting to sit down and write for some time now, but every time I do my words get stuck inside. So here I … Continue reading Head down
Warning: What follows is not shiny and happy. It is where I am at. It is real. It is raw. Proceed at your own risk. Thoughts, unseen triggers and visions of two come in unexpectedly and fully flood my heart. It paralyzes me and kicks me to the ground leaving me gasping for air. I … Continue reading Breadcrumb of light
