Warning: What follows is not shiny and happy. It is where I am at. It is real. It is raw. Proceed at your own risk. Thoughts, unseen triggers and visions of two come in unexpectedly and fully flood my heart. It paralyzes me and kicks me to the ground leaving me gasping for air. I … Continue reading Breadcrumb of light
“Where do I go now?” I asked. “Through babe, hold on tight and lets go through”
Two weeks ago I did not think that I would have the strength or the ability to ever write, look at a computer screen or do anything other than feed Magnus and make myself eat and drink water. I kept trying to write, as that has always brought me a bit of release in the … Continue reading “Where do I go now?” I asked. “Through babe, hold on tight and lets go through”
A Story of Beginnings
Jason here: I have sort of hijacked this blog for the moment, as Chelsey is quite busy celebrating and grieving. And even as I sit to write, thoughts spiral into so many places - painful, dark and hidden places that I never imagined exploring; but also into possibilities of the future. Too much to make … Continue reading A Story of Beginnings
Paradox
Fear and love seldom stand, shoulder to shoulder; It’s rare to laugh and lie in the same breath. But strength and weakness, failure and success, faith and desolation – they are different ends of a single stick. To pick one up is to receive both poles – stark contrasts contribute to a knowledge of the … Continue reading Paradox
Finding my power through fear
Jason (the Husband): The last week has been rough. Emotional. Raw. And pretty scary. We were asked to make some difficult decisions, made them, and then circumstances conspired to force us to weigh the same choices a second time. The people in this story all have a similar goal - to have Chelsey deliver two … Continue reading Finding my power through fear
You can take the girl out of the drive.. but you can’t take the drive out of the girl
Over the past few months I have had a question come my way several times that I have wanted to address, but I never knew how to answer. I was confused, since the question itself seemed to assume a reality that I was mostly at odds with. The question being: "How is it possible that you … Continue reading You can take the girl out of the drive.. but you can’t take the drive out of the girl
Ticking Time bomb
Holy shit!!! I can't believe that any day now there will be two new humans in our lives, taking up residence in our home, and in our hearts.. forever. Up until now it has not really hit me how insane this is. One day it is just the two of us, and the next, there … Continue reading Ticking Time bomb
Approaching the Start Line
33 weeks 3 days Wow, time feels like it has been sprinting forward. Between our amazing baby shower, a family and friend filled Thanksgiving, teaching acrobatics and days full of skiing, fires and friends, the days have been flying by. It wasn't until my Dr. asked if I had packed my bag and asked if … Continue reading Approaching the Start Line
“Every morning is a new arrival” – Rumi
30 weeks: I recently came across this poem by Rumi that really hit me in all the right places, especially after the events of this past week. The Guest House: " This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an … Continue reading “Every morning is a new arrival” – Rumi
Carrying around a tiny ocean
27 weeks 5 days Recently a friend brought this quote, from one of my all time favorite books, Shantaram to my attention: "But in a way you can say that after leaving the sea, after all those millions of years of living inside of the sea, we took the ocean with us. When a woman … Continue reading Carrying around a tiny ocean
