Mama guilt is a real thing. I wonder if any mother gets away from it. If I am not careful it can grip me so hard it stops me in my tracks and makes it difficult to breath. It is through meditation and inviting it in to my heart space, that I have been able to … Continue reading Mama Guilt
As the wheels drop down from the airplane and we begin our descent into Bend, I look over at Jason and Max looking out the window. They are waving to Spirit and telling him that we are home. Max says "home, home, home" over and over it again and if you didn't know his … Continue reading Swarm of Lady bugs
"2 minutes" The announcer calls over the intercom. I kiss my vial of Spirit B and put him safely in my pack, take a swig of water and head down to the start line of the Telluride 100 mtn bike race. My nervous jitters are finally starting to fade the closer I get to start … Continue reading Telluride 100: Trusting the Process
For the past couple of weeks I have been digging deep. I have been going places that make me catch my breath and makes my heart skip a beat. I have been looking at photos of my pregnancy, the day I met the hawk, and pictures of Max and Spirit B inside and outside of … Continue reading “My Short”
This morning, I woke up to a message from Spirit B. I love you. Hi Mama, I have a few things that I want you to know today. Things that I hope you will remember everyday. I am happy that you find me in the Hawk. That you hear my whisper in the wind, … Continue reading A message from B
Mothers Day - Ever since being pregnant and having Max and Spirit B, this day has become increasingly important to me. It is a day to honor all of the grandmothers and mothers before me and give love to myself for all that I have done thus far for my boys. Mothers cross a threshold … Continue reading A Mothers Day Gift
27 miles, 5 adventure buddies, 2 water falls and one spirit boy: Last time we tried to run the North Fork of the Crooked river I was 4 or 5 months pregnant with Magnus and Spirit B. I ended up turning around due to low water conditions, and my pregnant self was not into an … Continue reading Unexpected Fairy tale and Unforeseen Gifts
After having two beautiful baby boys, breastfeeding for a year and working through as well as learning from my grief, I was excited and nervous to get back into expedition racing. Below is a little write up of my experience after a few weeks of reflection. Grab a cup of tea, sit back and enjoy:) … Continue reading A new answer
My relationship with Spirit B and death has changed so much in this last year. A year ago, when my therapist told me that someday I may be grateful for what happened to our family, I thought she was insane and honestly a big part of me wanted to slap her across the face. However, on … Continue reading A years time
After nearly a year of dealing with constant debilitating insecurity and self-loathing about my post-partum body, a beautiful thing happened: I stopped caring so much. How exactly? After a series of events these past few weeks, I think I finally have the recipe that helped me, which I hope can help others who may be … Continue reading Tools for Your Troubles
