19 weeks 5 days
It’s crazy to think that I am already half way through this whole experience! Even just writing that down and rereading it, I feel a wave of gratitude and wonderment wash over me. Remembering how fast it has gone by in the not so comfortable times has been a great check in and reminder to savor and soak up the many changes.
To say that these last two weeks has been a breeze and a “honeymoon” like so many people say the second trimester is, would be a total lie. And while I wish I was the type to immediately love and embrace my growing belly… it has taken some adjusting, more crying than I would like to admit, self pep talks and a lot of introspection.
One day around the 18 week mark, I woke up and was all of a sudden pregnant. There was nothing gradual feeling about it. While I had been anxiously waiting for my belly to “pop” and to not just look like I had been drinking to much beer, I was not expecting it to all happen at once. I thought having a belly would be more like having a cute ornament. Something that I could wear proudly for a few months. As before getting pregnant, I always looked at pregnant women and thought they looked so cute and content. And while many may be completely at ease, my first reaction to my belly was far from love at first sight.
I am fully aware of all of the changes going on – emotionally, mentally and physically. Physically, no matter how long I warm up before a run or bike ride, I eventually get ligament pain around my groin and will have to stop at least 3 times. If I don’t do my pt or yoga every day, I have a dull back ache for most of the day, and by the end of the day it takes my everything to keep my correct posture. In Acro, while I want to do everything still, my body and mind doesn’t react the same way as it used to, hence I have only been pressing into things, doing what I am super confident with or doing things where I have great spots. All in all I feel like I am no longer “training” for anything (besides giving birth of course ). Instead, exercise has turned into something that gets me outside, gets the blood moving, and puts my mind at ease. The adjustment period for this realization was a hard one (hence the note about crying earlier). The first ride where I had to make Jason and Daniel stop 3 times, I knew that our time “training” together was coming to an end for a while. However, once we all talked about the upcoming transitions, I felt that they supported me and would do everything to help me through this and beyond. I am now starting to embrace this new and ever changing me.
Emotionally, I have noticed many shifts. Perhaps its due to some recent conversations with people who are close to me or maybe it is just what happens when you are growing another soul.. or two for that matter! A couple of my friends, and even family members have come to me saying that they don’t feel like they “really” know me. They went on to say: “of course I “know” you, because of _____ reason, but I guess I don’t feel that close to you.”
After hearing this more than once, I was at first hurt and taken back. “Am I not a nice person?” “Am I not warm enough?… open enough?”. But after some more thought and mulling over their words, I came to a realization. Of course they don’t know me right now. All of this is completely new territory for me. I am not a nurturer (yet) and I am very far from your classic “mother”. When I was little, I never played house, instead I always wanted to be a “tom boy”, playing outside and getting dirty. So yeah. We are embarking on a whole new side of Chelsey. Buckle up!
Enough about me though, how about those babies?!
While my belly has been growing, I have unfortunately not been feeling them that much. My Dr. told me it was because the placenta is anterior for both of them, so when they kick I can’t feel it yet. However, on the river the other day, I think I did feel some hiccups from BLT. I can’t wait until I can feel them wiggle around!
My favorite time with them is at night and in the early morning, I talk to them while I rub my Mama butter on my belly. I don’t quite know what to say to them yet, so I just tell them how much we love them and that I hope they are comfortable and getting along. On Friday we get to see them, which we are REALLY excited about. It is the “big” appointment where they take a look at everything and we can find out the genders if we wish to.
What I am loving/ not loving/ etc.
It has been 5 weeks since I have had coffee! For those that know me, this is a pretty big deal, as I LOVE coffee. But when I hit 12 weeks, I up and quit it. I wasn’t craving it, and it didn’t feel all that great, so I just stopped. I do love me some earl grey tea lattes though!
I am not craving anything really these days, I just NEED to eat NOW sometimes or else I get pretty hangry.
I have been loving connecting with family, I love having Jason’s family so close – all of the game nights and family dinners have been awesome – however, it makes me miss mine A LO T! I think of mine daily, and can’t wait till they come and visit.
Connecting with past friends who now have kids has been fun too- they have been giving me some great ideas for the nursery and registry.
Sleep is still something I look forward to, but is getting hard to get a full nights rest as I am always waking up to pee or drink water – I get so thirsty!!!
Writing, coloring and sitting on the back porch has been how I spend my down time – and I love it and savor it.
Physical Therapy – I say this every time, but Travis at Rebound is the man. I love being able to go and get exercises and little adjustments through out this process. I am so very grateful!!!
Building my “baby vibes” and “learning how to relax” playlists on spotify. Got anything to add to it?! Send it my way please:) My favorite song on it: “Crazy over you” by Smooth Hound Smith.
I LOVE my husband – he is beyond amazing. I don’t even know where to start so I am just going to leave it at that.
I am not all that into clothes, my pants are either to tight or to loose around the waist. I feel like I have to have to constantly pull them up, or that I am cutting off circulation.
Many people have been writing in and inquiring about my baby registry. While we don’t expect ANYTHING and I feel a little weird about putting it on here, this is just what is happening:
For those of you interested/curious here it is: https://babyli.st/chelsey-magness