There’s a moment in every long run or ride when your legs are heavy, your mind starts negotiating your exit, and quitting feels easier than continuing. I’ve met that moment more times than I can count — and strangely enough, I’ve since met it just as often on my living room floor, sitting cross-legged across from my kids. Whether it’s a scraped knee, a magna-tile tower that refuses to stand, a banana that got peeled the wrong way, or a particularly challenging LEGO that won’t fit in the “right” place, the lesson is the same: grit matters.
For kids, I’ve noticed the journey of gaining more “grit” is much more raw — and in my experience, happens much sooner than in adults. Just yesterday, we took a group of kids and parents out for our first Mountain Bike Monday of the season. Everyone was super excited for the first 5 minutes, kids were sprinting ahead to get in front of each other and the stoke was HIGH — until BAM, my youngest suddenly stopped with tears in his eyes: “I’m so tired, I want to go back to the car NOW.”
“Ok,” I said after a long pause, not expecting this at all just mere seconds after he was charging ahead. “Let’s take a few minutes to adjust your seat, drink some water, and eat a snack. We have all afternoon — there’s no rush to get this ride done.” After a bit of a fight to raise his seat (he’d been insisting on keeping it insanely low), he finally let us adjust it and ate some gummies — our go-to bike motivational/energy food! One more sip of water to wash it all down, and he was off, racing after his buddies.
Throughout our 2-hour ride, there were a few more meltdowns from other kids, but with some encouragement and reminders that it was okay to ease off the gas and enjoy the ride, they were back in the mix.
At the end of the ride, I reflected a bit on grit and perseverance with my husband (and adventure race teammate). It’s such a gift — to give yourself and your kids the ability to find it within themselves. In our races (where we race for multiple days on end) we know what stopping feels like. That burger and beer will come sooner than if we had kept going, but every time we push on to see what’s around the next bend, at the next transition area, or what our bodies will feel like in 12 hours, we learn so much more about ourselves and gain more grit.
What is Grit, Really?
Grit isn’t about being the strongest or the fastest. Psychologist Angela Duckworth defines it as “passion and perseverance for long-term goals.” It’s what carries us beyond the excitement of starting something new and keeps us steady through the frustrating middle parts.
In endurance sports, grit shows up when your body is tired, your mind is wandering, and the finish line is still miles — or in my case, days — away. As a parent, grit shows up when bedtime battles repeat for the hundredth time, when patience is stretched thin, and when your kids are learning that mastering a new skill doesn’t happen overnight. It’s also that feeling of being in parenthood for the “long game.” My husband constantly reminds me of this when I worry about little things my 8-year-old does: “This is only a phase, Chelsey,” he says calmly. “Can you remember what you were into or insisted on wearing when you were 8?! (my son is currently OBSESSED with wearing one single pair of sweatpants everyday for ALL activitied) Look how many times you’ve changed — what matters is who you are now, and the fact that you are happy.”
Parenthood is the longest game in the world. It’s full of wonder, surprises, and so much more that I don’t yet know. But one thing I do know: grit is essential. If you don’t have grit as a parent — or teach it as one of your main lessons to your children — the world will not be such a fun place to thrive in.
Lessons from the Mountains
Endurance training has taught me that persistence isn’t glamorous. It’s built in small, unremarkable moments — choosing to lace up even when motivation is low, adjusting goals when the day doesn’t go as planned, and celebrating progress rather than perfection.
Those lessons shape more than race results. They especially shape the way I show up as a parent and a partner. My kids don’t just hear about the value of sticking with something hard — they see it: on early morning training sessions, on midday runs alongside them while they’re riding their bikes, during weight lifting sessions while they play with friends, and in the slow, steady climb toward race day readiness.
The Home/Playroom Parallel
Children build grit the same way athletes do: through struggle, repetition, and support. When we step back and allow space for failure, kids develop problem-solving muscles. When we model perseverance ourselves, they learn it’s normal to face setbacks — and to try again.
Simple swaps in how we talk to our kids make a difference, too:
Instead of: “You’re so smart!”
Try: “You worked really hard on that!”
This helps children connect success to effort, not innate talent. Just like training for a race, growth comes from practice, patience, and persistence. And this approach will help you re-parent yourself, too. By changing your inner voice and the messages you speak and show to your kids, the more you will also become a better coach and cheerleader to yourself.
How to Nurture Grit at Home
- Model struggle and perseverance. Let your kids see you try, fail, and try again.
- Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. Make the process the win.
- Create mini adventures. Hikes, scavenger hunts (we love geocaching!), long bike rides — give kids opportunities to test their limits safely.
- Normalize setbacks. Share your own stories of frustration and how you worked through them.
Full Circle Moment
Over the weekend, I ran with my boys and my teammates’/neighbors’ boys to a park while they rode their bikes. When we got to the gate, I told them I could open it for them. “NO,” they shouted together. “We want to be big and strong like you — like an adventure racer! If you open the gate, we won’t be able to practice getting stronger. And you CANNOT help us.” And with that, they started working as a team to get all of their bikes and themselves up and over the fence. I could not wipe the smile off my face for the entire day.
Kids are like sponges. They are soaking everything up. Even when they are not physically at a race with me, I am always thinking of my boys and how I want to be in the world for them. And they, in return, are my mirrors. It’s rarely immediate and almost always comes when I least expect it. But when it does, it is a beautiful gift and a reminder that adaptation, grit, perseverance, and working together are some of the best lessons we can give to ourselves and each other.
The Big Picture
Endurance training and parenting share the same heart: showing up, even when it’s hard. Both the trail and the playroom teach us that grit isn’t a trait you’re born with — it’s a skill you build, one tough moment at a time.
And that’s an “endless” finish line worth chasing.
What moments have your kids shown grit? Share your stories in the comments — I’d love to hear them!